Today all the big companies are working on augmented reality glasses but those are distractions from their real plans. Glasses are too clumsy and expensive and limited. The tech companies want something that everyone will adopt, like the way we started with vinyl records and then they convinced us to buy CDs instead, except that was a ruse because then they got us to subscribe to Spotify and I threw away all my CDs including some ultra-rare David Bowie bootleg concerts. I should have kept the bootleg CDs.

Anyway, the point is that AR will replace phones and computers.

A few years ago Google put out Google Glass, glasses with a little display in the corner, but they were pathetic, Google was just trying to make AR look harmless and stupid. Microsoft is making Hololens, a bizarre helmet that lets you look out at the world and see AR effects like a virtual game on top of a table, but it costs thousands of dollars and it makes you look like a cyborg.

Tim Cook says Apple is going to make augmented reality the center of the world but all they’ve shown off is what it looks like to hold up an iPad and see The Very Hungry Caterpillar. You know who’s very hungry? Apple! They might have spent seventeen billion dollars already on AR, who knows what the hell Apple does, and it’s not just for caterpillars!

There are companies working on “smart” contact lenses. There are companies working on glasses that will shoot lasers into your retina for the AR effects.

What all of these companies really want is to control the next big thing. Like some people think Apple makes iPhones so they’re obsolete as soon as the next model comes out, and of course they do, but that’s missing the big picture. Apple wants to make iPhones completely obsolete so Apple can sell us iBots for our iBlood and reprogram our iBalls. Get it? “Eyeballs”? Not what you thought at first, although eventually they’ll be able to reprogram those, too.

Here’s how they’ll do it.

All of the big tech companies are working on nanobots that will live in your bloodstream and give the companies control of your body. The pharmaceutical companies are working on them too. Also China. Also Switzerland, probably. I’m not sure about Switzerland but I don’t trust that whole neutrality thing, I think they’re up to something.

The biotech labs have two projects right now.

CRISPR can edit our DNA so we can make superbabies that will enslave us, but that will take a few decades until the test tube babies grow up and they’re smarter than us and taller and probably have bigger penises.

In the meantime, scientists are developing nanobots that can rewire our bodies. Just a single injection, maybe we’ll think we’re getting a routine rectal exam or maybe it’s already in the covid vaccine, and then our blood will be full of electronics that can make our eyes see things that aren’t there.

POWER Have you ever seen The Matrix? Then you know what would provide the power for the nanobots. Our bodies are power cells. We’re basically living batteries.

BANDWIDTH The nanobots will be able to use wifi. Where will the signal come from? Satellites. That’s why there are so many satellite projects! Starlink already has 1,600 satellites in orbit and they’ve announced plans for 42,000 more, and they’re equipping them with lasers! Do you think Elon Musk is putting 42,000 satellites equipped with laser weapons in orbit because he loves us? My god. You really think that. You poor naïve thing.

Once they have the nanobots in our blood, they can reprogram them to do anything. They’ll be able to change the way the world looks and smells and sounds and feels.

At first it will seem great! We can watch TV and it will look like it’s on a giant screen. Instead of Zoom meetings with little heads on a little screen, meetings will look like they’re with a real person who’s the size of a real person. We’ll be able to adjust the size that our penis appears to be on dates. The nanobots will make everything look real.

My landlord came by again today. I think he’s got some difficult personal issues. He kept asking, who will pay for it, who will pay for it, when will it get paid? I tried to tell him how AR nanobots would be paid for but it was like his head was in a completely different place, my answers disturbed him.

But I understand him. He’s right. The answers are disturbing. When you find out how AR will be paid for, you’ll know why the future is so dark, and it’s not because the tech companies have turned out the lights, although they could. I’ll tell you about that in the next post.