Do you think big corporations control your life today? I mean, of course they do, but this is only the beginning. They’re literally going to be inside your head and then you can say goodbye to privacy or thinking straight or maybe even your identity as a law-abiding patriotic American, unless you’re not American.

Have you ever thought about augmented reality? I have. I’ve thought about it a lot. It’s technology that lets a big company show you things in your vision that look like they’re really there but they’re not. It’s like a big transparent computer screen is showing you things that blend in with the real world so you can’t tell what’s real.

It looks cool in science fiction movies, which I’ve never seen because I heard Disney puts subliminal messages in Marvel movies to make people need to see more Marvel movies. That’s why Marvel movies are so popular and nobody likes DC Comics movies, even though DC Comics are way better than Marvel comics.

But the augmented reality part – imagine that you walk around and you see people and each person has a little sign over their head with their name. Sounds cool, right? I have trouble remembering people’s names even if I know them really well, although there aren’t that many people that I know really well, so it would definitely help if I didn’t have to do one of the things that they suggest in magazine articles that never go as naturally as I want, “Hi, it’s been so long, I can’t remember how to pronounce your name?” and it turns out to be Dan or something.

But that won’t be how it goes! First it will be advertising and then it will be mind control and then we’ll never have to go anywhere because we’re watching big-corporation approved crap all day, and pretty soon it will be like the people in Wall-E except not happy, more like George Orwell’s 1984 and it’s all rats in our faces but not real rats, just visuals that look real but they’re not but they’re still terrifying. I hate rats.

And it will only take one technical breakthrough, and all the big companies are working on it in secret and I think the secret government agencies are in on it too. I need to tell you all about it. Watch this space!